Post by Oliver on Mar 9, 2008 23:54:28 GMT -5
>.>; This is probably going to be sad. Damn you Benedict!
The small girl’s hand was warm in his as they walked side by side through the Kilate city. It was just starting to get dark and never before had he ventured into the city with her before. His grey eyes glanced down at her curious face, watching as she took in the sight. Her five year old brain was excited by the new scenery and he hated that he couldn’t enjoy that sight of watching her take everything in. He closed his eyes and continued leading them through the streets. They were almost there, only a block or two.
Gently, Benedict steered the girl into a small alley way, wanting to speak to her before they reach their destination. She followed without a single objection, looking up at him with her murky green eyes filled with affection. Her eyes brought sorrow to him, but he did not let it show as he knelt down on the ground to get to her level, looking straight at her.
“Elizabeth… We’re almost there,” He told her softly.
“Almost where?” She asked with a smile. “Why did we stop, daddy?”
“I need to speak to you first…”
“About what?”
Her tone was curious and so very innocent. Guilt swept over the older kilate and it took a great deal of strength to keep up the role he was playing in front of the child.
“Elizabeth, do you remember how daddy told you that mommy was sick?” he asked her quietly, watching as the young girl nodded. Her tail, golden brown in color, just like her hair, was swaying gently back and forth.
“…Daddy is sick too, Elizabeth.”
“You don’t look sick,” Elizabeth stated, looking at her father. The light in her eyes had faded a bit upon what he’d said, a concerned look coming to them.
“I know. I do not look sick, but… I am. I am sick, like mommy was sick, but in a different way. Mommy was sick because of me. I do not know how to explain how that is possible but… I want you to know that.”
Elizabeth was silent for a moment, staring at him. She didn’t seem to understand what he said let alone what he meant by it, which Benedict had expected, and it seemed that she chose to try to figure it out at a later time.
“D-Daddy?...” She said quietly, a frightened look coming slowly to her face. Her voice had become fragile and small.
“What Elizabeth?” He voice was gently and sad.
“Daddy are…are you… going to die… like mommy?” Her voice cracked, her eyes becoming damp.
Benedict closed his eyes slightly a moment before gazing into the eyes of his daughter. He was sorry… He was so sorry.
“I may…” He said, “But I am going to try to get better. I do not want you to cry Elizabeth. You need to be strong for me, alright? Can you be strong for daddy?”
His hand went to her face, wiping a tear from her cheek. Elizabeth’s hand quickly joined his, wiping at her eyes to make the tears go away and she nodded quickly.
“Y-Yes. I can be strong…”
“I know you can.” Benedict told her, smiling a bit and gently reaching out to her, pulling her close to him. He moved back a bit, coming to sit on the ground in the alley and pushing his back against a brick wall. He held the small kilate girl close to him, pressing her tight against his chest. She clung to him tightly, her body shaking slightly and he knew she could not help it.
“Do not be sad…” He said quietly, gently moving her head with his hand so she was looking at him. “I love you Elizabeth.”
“I love you too D-Daddy…”
He felt her grip tighten.
“You are going to find a man named Vash Lesent… or a man named Tom Lesent. They will take care of you. I already told you how to get to them once we get to where we’re going. You remember how, right?”
She nodded slightly, looking up at his face.
“…No matter what happens, Elizabeth… No matter where I go, what happens to you or I… or what you learn… Know that I love you. I love you very much. No matter what anyone says to you, no matter what you learn about me… I always love you.”
He tried to stress it as much as he could. One day she would learn and he hoped she would remember these words. She hoped she would not hate him.
“I love you too.” She told him again, pressing her head against his chest.
He could feel her body shake again and heard the tiny sobs starting to come from her. His arms stayed around her securely, holding her against him. Why couldn’t he try to change for her? Why… His head shook slightly at that thought. He was ill, mentally ill… he could not risk being with her. He would change if it was possible, but his mind was so far gone now. He was so afraid he would hurt her more then he was now.
“I’ll do my best to make it back to you Elizabeth,” he lied in a voice that sealed the untrue words. She trusted him so much and was easily fooled by them.
For what seemed like hours, Benedict sat in the alley with his daughter held tight against his chest. Her ear was to his heart and he knew she was listening to it carefully, taking in the sound that she may never hear again. He hoped it would lull her to sleep and he could carry her the last bit of the way peacefully. Her eyes stayed open, however, never closing for more than a moment, even when he ran his fingers through her long golden brown hair and whispered to her, telling her that she should rest a bit.
“I want to stay with you daddy…” She whispered back to him quietly.
“I know, but you have to be strong and stay with the Lesents. I need to go away to try to get better.”
“But you will try to be back…”
“Yes,” he nodded, “I will try.”
He kissed her head gently and felt her push it against him more. Quietly he whispered that he loved her once more then starting to push himself up, holding her as he did so. She gripped him tightly as he began to walk out of the alley, keeping her securely in his arms. He closed his eyes a bit, holding back his own tears.
Ten minutes later they had made it to the building Benedict knew housed several members of the Lesent family, one of which being Tom. He hated that man more than anything, but he knew Elizabeth would be taken care of with him. He would have rather had Vash, but with Vash it was harder to get an exact location to plan around and not be seen.
Elizabeth looked up at him, reluctantly letting go of him as her lowered her to the ground. Her feet lightly hit the ground and she stood, reaching into one of her pockets and feeling the folded piece of paper.
“I remember what to do daddy…” She said quietly.
“Good girl.” He said softly, kneeling down again and kissing her forehead. “I want you to be good… and remember to be strong… do not be sad. I love you.”
Elizabeth nodded quickly, throwing her arms around him. “I will… I love you too… come back soon…”
Benedicts grey eyes closed tightly and he hugged Elizabeth in return. “I will try.”
A moment later he was watching the small girl dart towards the building with the paper he had given her in his hand. He had written down Tom’s name, along with Vash’s, for Elizabeth to give to people to look at so they would lead her in the direction of who she needed to find. On the back of the paper was a short note, telling them to look after her.
For several minutes he stared at the building. Hot tears welling up in his eyes and as he blinked they came rolling down his cheeks. He felt his body shake slightly, and before he could change his mind, he teleported away from the large building and the kilate city all together.
The small house seemed empty. It didn’t look as warm as usually or as cozy. It looked unwelcoming to him. It was missing a crucial ingredient that had always made it bright and bearable. Elizabeth’s loving smiling did not greet him as he walked down the halls that somehow led him to the small girl’s room. It seemed he had walked there unconsciously, not realizing it until he was standing beside the silver frame of the small twin sized bed.
He looked around a bit, feeling lost for a moment and maybe a bit confused. She’d cleaned her room up before they had left. The pink sheets were smooth on the bed with the pillow neatly centered at the head of the bed. Her toys were all packed in the toy box against the wall and there were clothes hanging in the partially opened closet to his left.
Benedict felt his knees grow week. He wanted nothing more but to lie on the bed now, and cry until he no longer could, but he knew he didn’t have the time. He turned from the room, lowering his head as the tears came and feel, and began to walk back down the hall to the door that led to the basement.
Several minutes later he had made his way down the steps, through the underground lab, and to the room that housed his most secret possession. The hidden door slid open and the sound of the heart monitor hit him, beeping steadily. Elmara lay on the bed, just as she always did, the machines grinding away to keep her body functioning even if her mind never would again. She lay there, beautiful and silent, never to stir again.
His hand went straight to her long golden hair, the same hair that had been passed onto Elizabeth. Gently he stroked it, feeling its soft strands beneath his fingers. Her face was pale and lovely but as he looked at her it was as if she mocked him and the pain he had found himself overwhelmed by.
“..How did this happen, Elmara?” He asked the animated corpse quietly, though of course there was no answer.
“How did I let this happen to me? I… loved you… so much… and hated him. How did I let that turn me into this?”
He looked down at her face. It had been so long since she had opened her eyes. It had been so long since she had taken a breath on her own, or smiled, or spoken. He had taken that all away from her such a long time ago.
“…You were happy, weren’t you?” He muttered sadly. “Why couldn’t I see that? You were happy with that small baby girl and that bastard of a kilate. You were-“
He paused a moment, his fist clenching a moment before he spoke again, his voices cracking a bit. “You were happy…”
He stared at her, trying to grasp his thoughts. His mind was so chaotic.
>.> more tomorrow.. i need to go to bed <.<;
The small girl’s hand was warm in his as they walked side by side through the Kilate city. It was just starting to get dark and never before had he ventured into the city with her before. His grey eyes glanced down at her curious face, watching as she took in the sight. Her five year old brain was excited by the new scenery and he hated that he couldn’t enjoy that sight of watching her take everything in. He closed his eyes and continued leading them through the streets. They were almost there, only a block or two.
Gently, Benedict steered the girl into a small alley way, wanting to speak to her before they reach their destination. She followed without a single objection, looking up at him with her murky green eyes filled with affection. Her eyes brought sorrow to him, but he did not let it show as he knelt down on the ground to get to her level, looking straight at her.
“Elizabeth… We’re almost there,” He told her softly.
“Almost where?” She asked with a smile. “Why did we stop, daddy?”
“I need to speak to you first…”
“About what?”
Her tone was curious and so very innocent. Guilt swept over the older kilate and it took a great deal of strength to keep up the role he was playing in front of the child.
“Elizabeth, do you remember how daddy told you that mommy was sick?” he asked her quietly, watching as the young girl nodded. Her tail, golden brown in color, just like her hair, was swaying gently back and forth.
“…Daddy is sick too, Elizabeth.”
“You don’t look sick,” Elizabeth stated, looking at her father. The light in her eyes had faded a bit upon what he’d said, a concerned look coming to them.
“I know. I do not look sick, but… I am. I am sick, like mommy was sick, but in a different way. Mommy was sick because of me. I do not know how to explain how that is possible but… I want you to know that.”
Elizabeth was silent for a moment, staring at him. She didn’t seem to understand what he said let alone what he meant by it, which Benedict had expected, and it seemed that she chose to try to figure it out at a later time.
“D-Daddy?...” She said quietly, a frightened look coming slowly to her face. Her voice had become fragile and small.
“What Elizabeth?” He voice was gently and sad.
“Daddy are…are you… going to die… like mommy?” Her voice cracked, her eyes becoming damp.
Benedict closed his eyes slightly a moment before gazing into the eyes of his daughter. He was sorry… He was so sorry.
“I may…” He said, “But I am going to try to get better. I do not want you to cry Elizabeth. You need to be strong for me, alright? Can you be strong for daddy?”
His hand went to her face, wiping a tear from her cheek. Elizabeth’s hand quickly joined his, wiping at her eyes to make the tears go away and she nodded quickly.
“Y-Yes. I can be strong…”
“I know you can.” Benedict told her, smiling a bit and gently reaching out to her, pulling her close to him. He moved back a bit, coming to sit on the ground in the alley and pushing his back against a brick wall. He held the small kilate girl close to him, pressing her tight against his chest. She clung to him tightly, her body shaking slightly and he knew she could not help it.
“Do not be sad…” He said quietly, gently moving her head with his hand so she was looking at him. “I love you Elizabeth.”
“I love you too D-Daddy…”
He felt her grip tighten.
“You are going to find a man named Vash Lesent… or a man named Tom Lesent. They will take care of you. I already told you how to get to them once we get to where we’re going. You remember how, right?”
She nodded slightly, looking up at his face.
“…No matter what happens, Elizabeth… No matter where I go, what happens to you or I… or what you learn… Know that I love you. I love you very much. No matter what anyone says to you, no matter what you learn about me… I always love you.”
He tried to stress it as much as he could. One day she would learn and he hoped she would remember these words. She hoped she would not hate him.
“I love you too.” She told him again, pressing her head against his chest.
He could feel her body shake again and heard the tiny sobs starting to come from her. His arms stayed around her securely, holding her against him. Why couldn’t he try to change for her? Why… His head shook slightly at that thought. He was ill, mentally ill… he could not risk being with her. He would change if it was possible, but his mind was so far gone now. He was so afraid he would hurt her more then he was now.
“I’ll do my best to make it back to you Elizabeth,” he lied in a voice that sealed the untrue words. She trusted him so much and was easily fooled by them.
For what seemed like hours, Benedict sat in the alley with his daughter held tight against his chest. Her ear was to his heart and he knew she was listening to it carefully, taking in the sound that she may never hear again. He hoped it would lull her to sleep and he could carry her the last bit of the way peacefully. Her eyes stayed open, however, never closing for more than a moment, even when he ran his fingers through her long golden brown hair and whispered to her, telling her that she should rest a bit.
“I want to stay with you daddy…” She whispered back to him quietly.
“I know, but you have to be strong and stay with the Lesents. I need to go away to try to get better.”
“But you will try to be back…”
“Yes,” he nodded, “I will try.”
He kissed her head gently and felt her push it against him more. Quietly he whispered that he loved her once more then starting to push himself up, holding her as he did so. She gripped him tightly as he began to walk out of the alley, keeping her securely in his arms. He closed his eyes a bit, holding back his own tears.
Ten minutes later they had made it to the building Benedict knew housed several members of the Lesent family, one of which being Tom. He hated that man more than anything, but he knew Elizabeth would be taken care of with him. He would have rather had Vash, but with Vash it was harder to get an exact location to plan around and not be seen.
Elizabeth looked up at him, reluctantly letting go of him as her lowered her to the ground. Her feet lightly hit the ground and she stood, reaching into one of her pockets and feeling the folded piece of paper.
“I remember what to do daddy…” She said quietly.
“Good girl.” He said softly, kneeling down again and kissing her forehead. “I want you to be good… and remember to be strong… do not be sad. I love you.”
Elizabeth nodded quickly, throwing her arms around him. “I will… I love you too… come back soon…”
Benedicts grey eyes closed tightly and he hugged Elizabeth in return. “I will try.”
A moment later he was watching the small girl dart towards the building with the paper he had given her in his hand. He had written down Tom’s name, along with Vash’s, for Elizabeth to give to people to look at so they would lead her in the direction of who she needed to find. On the back of the paper was a short note, telling them to look after her.
For several minutes he stared at the building. Hot tears welling up in his eyes and as he blinked they came rolling down his cheeks. He felt his body shake slightly, and before he could change his mind, he teleported away from the large building and the kilate city all together.
The small house seemed empty. It didn’t look as warm as usually or as cozy. It looked unwelcoming to him. It was missing a crucial ingredient that had always made it bright and bearable. Elizabeth’s loving smiling did not greet him as he walked down the halls that somehow led him to the small girl’s room. It seemed he had walked there unconsciously, not realizing it until he was standing beside the silver frame of the small twin sized bed.
He looked around a bit, feeling lost for a moment and maybe a bit confused. She’d cleaned her room up before they had left. The pink sheets were smooth on the bed with the pillow neatly centered at the head of the bed. Her toys were all packed in the toy box against the wall and there were clothes hanging in the partially opened closet to his left.
Benedict felt his knees grow week. He wanted nothing more but to lie on the bed now, and cry until he no longer could, but he knew he didn’t have the time. He turned from the room, lowering his head as the tears came and feel, and began to walk back down the hall to the door that led to the basement.
Several minutes later he had made his way down the steps, through the underground lab, and to the room that housed his most secret possession. The hidden door slid open and the sound of the heart monitor hit him, beeping steadily. Elmara lay on the bed, just as she always did, the machines grinding away to keep her body functioning even if her mind never would again. She lay there, beautiful and silent, never to stir again.
His hand went straight to her long golden hair, the same hair that had been passed onto Elizabeth. Gently he stroked it, feeling its soft strands beneath his fingers. Her face was pale and lovely but as he looked at her it was as if she mocked him and the pain he had found himself overwhelmed by.
“..How did this happen, Elmara?” He asked the animated corpse quietly, though of course there was no answer.
“How did I let this happen to me? I… loved you… so much… and hated him. How did I let that turn me into this?”
He looked down at her face. It had been so long since she had opened her eyes. It had been so long since she had taken a breath on her own, or smiled, or spoken. He had taken that all away from her such a long time ago.
“…You were happy, weren’t you?” He muttered sadly. “Why couldn’t I see that? You were happy with that small baby girl and that bastard of a kilate. You were-“
He paused a moment, his fist clenching a moment before he spoke again, his voices cracking a bit. “You were happy…”
He stared at her, trying to grasp his thoughts. His mind was so chaotic.
>.> more tomorrow.. i need to go to bed <.<;